As I round up people for the Asylum, I take a trip into the past. This might not mean much to most people, hell it might not mean much to anyone else but to me it means something because it is a connection to memorable people that have influenced, entertained, and educated me. I don’t know if this place will ever be more than a soft echo of what once was, but for me it doesn’t just exist for the people that are here now, it exists for the people that remember the previous cast of characters and those individuals that won’t be with us this time around.
Jessika Primo was as memorable a character as any I have encountered. When I first stumbled across her, she was a relatively anonymous character on the internet. Her eloquence and obvious intelligence made a impression on me. I ended up getting to know her and recruited her to participate on my site (Rydas.Com). I also was able to meet her personally during the 2001 GOTJ (she had a job [which I suppose I helped her get] working at a booth and let me use her pass in return for Haribo gummi bears). She contributed to Rydas.Com (and the Asylum) for a while but this ended when we had a falling out. Interestingly enough, the falling out involved someone I had basically introduced her to (Rob Bruce) and a personal message he relayed to me via Jessika (a public message he made towards me was posted in the Asylum by OtterVomit). I can be a abrasive person so I accept my role in this falling out.
Jessika went on to work with a couple other popular sites and became a relatively well known person in the scene. She and I did reconcile to a certain extent, but between us both being fiery people and other issues we never really rekindled our friendship. My distance from Jessika and her world was such that I wasn’t even aware until a while after she passed away in a car crash in 2003.
Jessika was someone that could become lost in her own mind. She was intelligent, some could say brilliant but the places her mind could take her were not always good places. She, perhaps most importantly was a earnest person. She made a lasting impression and she is missed. Below is Jessika’s first post in the Asylum, I personally find the some of the words and theme a bit haunting but it is a fitting message to remember her by:
I love you all. To the juggalos out in east bumfuck mississippi to greyhound washington and over to castle rock maine.. I love each and every one of you mutha fuckers. If you are down, then you are my brother and my sister. Straight fact.
I know I haven’t posted on here before.. I work 48 hours a week, go to college fulltime and any spare minutes I have I work for choko. sometimes I go without sleep so I dont get on here as much as I would love to. I dont get to talk to you guys as much as I should and that’s my fault and I’m sorry. If you are a juggalo tho, I know you forgive me.
But today with my first post I come with an important message. Now as most of you know if you have checked out ICP.com in the last 2 days a letter has been posted in the letters from the juggalos section. Yes, you know where I am going.. that person was me.
Last thursday my sister in law was hit head on by a drunk driver and killed. This tore me apart in ways you couldn’t understand. For a couple days I really had no emotion. I slept for 10-20 hours a day when I went up north and I didnt really talk to anyone about it. I was hurting. I told a coupe people what happened but I tried to play it off.
Then everything hit me. I was mad. I was hurt. And I was confused. I needed to vent but I didn’t know how. Now every other time I have had something going on that bothered me, I wrote Jellynuts, and he put my letters up or wrote me back something encouraging. When I was thinking of suicide I wrote to him telling him what I thought heaven was and asked him, if someone commited suicide would they go to heaven.. and he told me the perfect thing. He didn’t tell me I would definitly go to hell. He told me that straight up, if I quit before my time I may have had something to do and by quitting, I may have failed in what I had to do, like quitting the game to early.. and with that there were no guarentees. It was straight up the perfect thing I needed to hear. He didn’t scare me into not killing myself by saying I would go to hell.. he flat out told me something that made me think abuot whether I really wanted to. And I didn’t because of all of you.. because of the family I would be leaving behind.
So I wrote him about this and I told him how much it would kill me if one of you got drunk and drove and kill someone. It would kill my faith in the fact that not are juggalos good people, in some sences we’re morally superior.. and thats why I begged him to say something on the subject. I dind’t expect him to post my letter. I dind’t expect any regognition but then I realized something. Rudeboy once told me that when Im in pain, all juggalos can feel it.. he can too. And by seeing my exact words to jellynuts, y’all could maybe feel my pain.. just maybe.. and just maybe by feeling that one juggalo won’t drink and drive, and one person will live. It’s a powerful feeling… and it’s something I hope is true.
I love you all.. please go read the letter and think before you do something. I love you guys with all my heart and soul and I would die for any one of you at any time.. so all I ask is that you please don’t do this.. please.
MCL forever you guys, I love you.
TNJ aka Jessika
Anyone who knows me knows I am generally not fond of my picture being published on the internet (the Seeds picture got enough exposure for a lifetime), however I did attach a image of Jessika and I together at GOTJ. For the record she felt bad so I let her put my hair in pigtails…