Welcome to The Asylum, an eclectic blog. Posts may be viewed in chronological order, or categories; Entertainment, Politics, Random, and Sports. Posts may be sorted by authors, via the archives (sidebar) and full posts (upper navigation), or "Possibly related posts" (on some post pages).

Really? “NBA’s Magic to host simultaneous flush”

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) – A massive toilet flush is set to take place at the new arena of the NBA’s Orlando Magic.
The event Wednesday will test the Amway Center’s sewer flows, water consumption and pressure. About 443 toilets will be flushed simultaneously. Those expected to participate include Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer, Magic President Alex Martins and dozens of elementary students. They will simulate the crowd rush to bathrooms during halftime and between quarters.

There are about 1,200 plumbing fixtures in the arena. That includes approximately 560 toilets, 430 sinks and 210 fixtures such as drinking fountains, showers and disposals. The Magic will begin playing games in the new arena when the preseason begins in October.

They sure make a big event out of it…

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Book Burning Time!

Volcano ButningMost Americans are just finding out about one of 300,000 churches in America’s plans to burn the Koran. However, protests in the Muslim world have been going on for a while. This is due to the fact that supposedly moderate Muslims are worked into a frenzy with ease and seem to constantly be on the lookout for something to be pissed off about.

This issue signifies the massive divide between sane people and nut jobs. 50 people plan to do something that is admittedly in bad taste, and we hear things like: “He says if the event happens Muslims will certainly fight back, and he cannot predict what form the retaliation will take.” Seriously? They don’t know how to respond to a book being burned? How about burning another book, how’s that sound for fair retaliation? However, the threat of violence is there and Patraeus is worried about it. Quite frankly that is complete and utter bullshit.

Moderate people might march and protest, or even burn the Bible or similar retaliation. Moderate people will not even consider violence. I’m sick and tired of being told that we are dealing with a supposedly peaceful group of people, while at the same time being constantly told not to piss them off because they might kill people. Which is it? I understand we might be dealing with a minority of violent people, but where are the protests against their actions? Where is the outcry in the Muslim world against violent responses to things like drawing pictures? Christian leaders are tripping over themselves to apologize for the actions of a handful of people, yet the moderate Muslim reaction is that there might be violence and that’s ok?

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All he wanted was a hug…

Maybe he was just looking for love. A homeless man in Oregon snuck into a hot tub, called 911 and asked the operator for towels, hot chocolate and a hug.  None of Mark Eskelsen’s requests were fulfilled. Instead, he got arrested.

The 45-year-old called 911 from his cell phone on Sunday morning and identified himself as the “sheriff of Washington County,” Beaverton police said. He then asked for medical attention, later admitting that he wasn’t the sheriff. Eskelsen also said he had been in the hot tub for 10 hours and that his towels had gotten soaked. “I just need a hug and a warm cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it,” he told the 911 operator. Neighbors also called police complaining that a man was yelling outside. When the dispatcher asked if Eskelsen had a weapon, he said no and that he had “fingers that are so numb they’ve turned into prunes. Even if I did have a gun I don’t think I could hold onto it right now.”

Eskelsen was arrested for trespassing and misusing the 911 system. But when police checked the man’s cell phone, they realized he never called 911 but had been transferred there from 411. Cops said they also found marijuana on Eskelsen and that he seemed to be on drugs during the incident.

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Worldly Shorties

Oh!

Gotta getcha shorty on!

Faster than a Speeding Bullet Dept.

Like a hot! player with full game on – Pierre Cardin? (check) haute couture? (check) wad of – uh – cash – big enough to choke a horse? (check) killer ride? (check) Wicked promises of an entire evening of neverending tingly tingling on the tang tang? (check) – xforms into more like 6 uncomfortable minutes of gymnastics that delivers nothing! What, wait – that’s it?!!

News that violent violence has totally smitten the never ending forever quest for something something ‘Palestine” – HAMAS rejectionists (Izzy Deen al K’Ssam) fire off some state sponsored free lance rocketry and get bleeding smushed up by Little Satan’s deadly response.

Look for the double nom d’guerr’d Abbas/Mazen guy to jettison jankish jawflapping for peace over a Little Satan Apartment Complex (with coed swimming pool!)

Breach of Faith Dept.

One of the key tenets of wicked Realism and the ammoral, corrupt cult of stability’s ‘Realpolitik’ in l’ era moderne is a Palestine/Little Satan 2 State Illusion will magically blossum into peace, love and happiness the world over.

Oh Snap!! An amazing refudiation by Realpolitik’s 2nd Best Apologist of one of realpolitik’s crucial caches and the ammoral, corrupt cult of stability’s ancient avatars of realism that may have Baker, Brzezinski, Scowcroft and certain elements of the Iraq Study Guys whirling in their dotage.

No surprise! Like divine daemoneoconic avatars psychically predicted eons past, seriously thinking people are 80% neocons – even if they don’t know it!

Uncle Smitty Dept

A bevy of beauties, a host of hotness and sexyful diplopolititay commentary enlightened via Uncle Smitty with detailed deets and shout outs to Uncle Theo, AmPow and yours truly – and that’s only the first half!

Pic “Worldly Shorties” with GrEaT sAtAn”S gIrLfRiEnD

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College football time!

Here in the southern part of the United States we really don’t have much to look forward besides college football season. For example, Alabama and Mississippi have a grand total of 0 NFL, MLB, or NBA teams. So, college football is it when it comes to big time sports. Besides that, in the case of Alabama it’s all the state is good at really (Mississippi isn’t even good at that). So, once college football season starts we temporarily have a reason to live.

Having said that, most of the world thinks of a round ball when they hear the word football, and unless you’re the type to take your shirt off in freezing weather or paint yourself your team colors, the goings on of college football are probably boring to you. I can comment that USC’s defense looked like a WAC defense or that UNC’s chances of beating LSU have gone to hell and people would probably ask me where the pictures of cute animals are. However, tomorrow Alabama plays and you (my imaginative audience) all can go to hell.

The only remotely interesting thing I can think of is how damned illiterate we are in Alabama. It’s not our fault, they just don’t learn us right. Apparently, we can’t even spell our neighbor’s name, we seem to think it’s Mississippi. It’s not our fault they only know four letters and thought repeating them over and over would make a good name. So, when we print our tickets, we decide we’re playing “Mississipi State.

Being Alabamians, we were not upset by others telling us we spelled Mississipi’s name wrong. Football is never wrong. So, just in case anyone thought we were in error, we’ve made t-shirts to help clarify the issue.

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TTT – Tiny Thumb Thursday – ???

What the hell is this? They are tiny, fuzzy, pollen-like flying insects/bugs, and there are so many around here that it looks like it’s snowing!

When you go outside, you are immediately covered by them. They are on your clothes, in your hair, and in your mouth or nose when you breathe. They look cute, but there are too many of them. Any ideas?

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“Everything Does Not Suck”

Double nom de guerre Palestinian Pres Mahmoud Abbas or Abu Mazen may be ready to hit the escape hatch and bail out for his swanky beach front villa in Qatar.
 
Unverified sources leaked ‘poetry’ from his hackedberry and reveal the embattled ex PLO terrorist enabler who graduated moderate Charm School with Fatah is feeling down.

“Everything does not suck

Everything does not suck

Everything does not suck

Everything does…

 

Low expectations and High stakes with GrEaT sATAn”s gIrLfRiEnD

Pic – “The heck with it”

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Since the golf-fire story was already posted, here’s my News story

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) – A fire that damaged an Arkansas home wasn’t caused by an electrical problem, burning food or arson.

Instead, an insurance investigator concluded, the dead plants did it. A report summary given to homeowner Brian Duncan stated that the fire was “caused by self-heating through decomposition of organic materials” in a flowerpot. Or, in layman’s terms, the flowers spontaneously combusted.

He says his wife had planned on repotting the flowers that were on the porch, but she never got around to it and they eventually died. No one was injured in the July 25 blaze, and a family member was able to put it out even before firefighters arrived.

You can read the whole story here. Please pay particular attention to the caption of the picture : Old flower pots are seen in this file photo. (SXC). I’m glad they told us, I would have never figured it out otherwise.

To find out more about spontaneous combustion, you can click here.

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Golfer on Fire

In more proof that God hates California, a golfer in Irvine started a fire that spread to 25 acres when his ball flew out of the green.  On his second swing back towards the green, he evidently sparked a rock, causing the fire.

I guess they don’t teach Californians to stomp out smoldering fires, or maybe such menial tasks are beneath golfers.  Or maybe this guy just can’t do anything right.

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Naval Hook Up


MwAh!

 Britannia Rules the Waves! And the French hang too!

Both NATO cats are preparing to reveal unprecedented plans to share the use of their aircraft carriers in a controversial step to maintain military power in an era of cost-cutting.

“…In a potential threat to thousands of shipyard jobs, the move would make it easier for Britain to scrap or downgrade one of the two replacement carriers which are already under construction at a cost of £5.2billion.

“…David Cameron and President Sarkozy are expected to outline the proposal in a November summit, which will lead to British and French flagships working together and protecting the interests of both countries.

Pic -”Air dominance gets attention!” with the staff at GrEaT sAtAn”s gIrLfRiEnD

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