I’m not a soccer fan (I am a big fan of what we Americans call football though). I’m about as much a soccer fan as I’m a fan of ice skating or swimming. However, I do bring myself to watch it when America is competing in some major soccer event. At last big soccer event in Africa (I could search and figure out the event but I’m deliberately ignorant), I first heard this horribly annoying sounds coming from my TV and I had to do a search just to figure out what was raping my speakers. It turns out that it was something called a “vuvuzela” (even Firefox doesn’t like them, it’s underlining it with a angry red squiggly line to show it’s disdain for them). I think that translates to something like “what retarded soccer fans in Africa do when they’re not stampeding“. I’m not saying all people in Africa are retarded, clearly they’re not. However, this affliction is something a lot of soccer fans in Africa suffer from apparently. The overgrown kazoo emits a horrible, loud sound that probably does a great job of masking the screams as you trample other people to death. I can’t really figure out any other real purpose for it. If the choice of South Africa as a location for the World Cup wasn’t bad enough, the use of those damn things serves as a constant reminder as to one of the many reasons this was a bad location.
ESPN says they applaud the abominations, while also saying they are trying to mitigate the harm to our ears and our psychological well being. People are writing articles on how to further filter out this hideous noise. I’d prefer a article on how to beat the crap out of people using those without being arrested. I would have absolutely no problem with everyone that used one of those things dropping dead on the spot. I’d consider it a advancement for mankind. Perhaps we can adjust missile targeting systems to go for those things. Hell, for all I know those stampedes are caused by people trying to run away from the horrible sound as fast as they can, the sound so horrid that they prefer rushing toward their death than the continued annoyance. Did I mention they’re really loud? Perhaps the users have gone deaf and simply forgot they were blowing on the damn things. Oh well, here’s to the mute button.